lost & found

very emotional tonight.. sometimes I don’t like the late night thinking…I like the idea of getting older and not really enjoying life like I want to.or the struggles my parents have to go through. I don’t even know if they enjoyed their life thus far and it breaks my heart to realize that. I know they say if your not happy then do something about it… but you have no idea until your in that hole and seems like that your in soo deep that you have no where to go and nobody to help you. you may dig your grave but everyone makes mistakes.I may be rambling but its good to just let it go and not care who sees your feelings. I wish I could just get in my car and drive having no destination ..sometimes I wonder how things would be if I made different decisions.. or if my parents made better decisions. would I be sitting where I am right now? Would I even be alive? I think thats why people are afraid to make decisions. Maybe because they are scared of the outcome or what may come of it.

I use to be easy to talk to and now I think what I have been through or have seen how people treat each other its made it hard for me and it makes it hard my relationships with friends/family and my lovely sweetie. things and people change. I’m not a huge friend of change. I don’t know.. I guess I am weird.

Aint that a Bitch